I'm a Total Spaz....

So HTML is how old and I don't know how to put a link in a side bar. I didn't think that I was totally out of touch with the people around me until today.

Anyway, for any of you FBookers and friends who stop by my website, take a look at the link below. I witty, zaney friend has a shot at a great gig with MTV if we can help. So rally the troops and click at will.

RE: Untitled...much like my love life

So I was browsing around reading the thoughts of some people online, when I came the site of a young lady who suffered, or didn't, a breakup, or reunion...I don't know.

You decide http://rookieblogger-randomthoughts.blogspot.com/2010/06/untitledmuch-like-my-love-life.html

Below is my comment to this young woman. I hope that it is uplifting. Every good and noble woman is worth so much. And she shouldn't rely on a man to show her that.

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You ought to consider holding him to his word and taking the time to focus on yourself and your needs. (MBA?)

He's clearly too wrapped up in his own needs to tend to yours. He's probably a fabulous guy, but he still may not be prepared for what you need. Fabulous guys don't always make fabulous partners.

But, you're back together now...that's great...but what does that really mean? How does it effect your decisions on a daily basis over a long distance? Do you avoid looking at other guys? Do start each sentence with "my boyfriend..."? Do you go to sleep each night pining wistfully while feeling the deep sense of incompleteness that only T can fill?

Being "in love" is a wonderful, sweet, and temporary sensation. But having love, being loved, being loving - these are investing in others without the expectation of entitlements and loving yourself with mercy. And these things are permanent and fulfilling, and won't have you wondering what you did wrong when an indecisive man accidentally, deliberately breaks up with you and then accidentally, deliberately gets back together with you.

I have read a few of your entries. I like your style of thought, and I think it's great that you have celebrated a 1 year blogaversary; but in the entries that I read, including this one, I don't see that you've over thought something before you've made a decision. Instead, you've mainly mulled over an outcome after someone else has made a decision for you.

i.e. "'T' isn't a guy who jumps to conclusions suddenly, he thinks things through very rationally. He didn't break up with me all of a sudden. He must have put a lot of thought into it. And I was the one who called him back looking for answers - what if I hadn't called? Would we still be broken up?" Um...yes you'd still be broken up...and as a guy I can tell you that he did want his space. He did want to break up, but he did NOT want to break your heart and hear you cry. And he made both decisions for you, first to break up, second to get back together.

Do you really want to go into the next phase of your relationship feeling like, "I wasn't good enough for him, wasn't supportive enough, or 'something-or-the-other' enough." Forgive him yes, but trust what your heart is saying to you.

Your man should love you, protect you, guide you knowing him, respect you, and be truthful to you; NOT leave you in limbo, skirt the issue, be mysterious, and change his word.

Heartache will be in store if you keep placing your heart in incapable hands. If you are serious about "finding undying love," then find a source of love that has always been and will never cease or fail to be. If you want "undying passion," find the a source of passion that gave rise to all emotion and was and is and will always be. Give your heart over to that kind of lover and be totally fulfilled.

Be courageous, and love yourself enough to settle for nothing less than the one who truly can satisfy all the needs you mention. But, sweetheart, you won't find that kind of relationship with any man on earth.

I have a feeling you are way more than just a girlfriend. Sometimes jerks come your way to help you figure this out.

Warm Regards.

Laws of Attraction, Theories of Relativity

*****I found some interesting insights on this page and the linked page. Thought I would share. My response is below. While I agree with almost everything, in theory, the comments shared give some cavalier approaches to the practice of relating that got me thinking. Maybe I am off base. Maybe not. What do you think?********

Gotta say that boardgames may not be the best analogy. Unless of course a line has already been distinctly drawn, as you mentioned. However, in what other way do we learn to share and grow if not by occasionally doing those things that please those we love – even at a bit of our own expense.

I confess I derive a great deal of satisfaction in seeing my partner pleased by my participation in something that costs me so little.

No I don’t mean that one should regularly sacrifice one’s dignity on the altar of a dating relationship at the expense of one’s own contentment. But what I question is this: in what is one actually finding one’s happiness? Is it Control? Image? Popularity? Comfort? Or are we willing to invest in relationships with other people and ride out certain ups and downs like a blue-chip stocks they are?

There is also an important thing to remember, if the man (or woman) you are with does not value him or herself enough without heels/ perfume/ makeup/ money/ cars/ suits/ whatever, he or she is never going to value him or herself with or without said accouterments.

I think it may be also fair to say that if you are with someone whose insubstantial self-pride and self-image carry more value than you and/or the relationship, there is more than a need for distrust, there is a necessity of evacuation.

I would also encourage stepping to the stone of skepticism and caution before leaping to the stone distrust. Distrust is a very difficult weed to uproot, and almost inexorably poisons to death the roots of an already flowered relationship. It also inhibits two people from openly communicating with the assumption that the other has their best interests at heart. And when the flower dies and is uprooted, each person is left only with a root of distrust lying in wait to strangle the next seed to germinate in the heart.

As for me…if she’s tall and long, or short and plump…more power! If she doesn’t want to talk to me, oh well. I know who I am and what I am worth, even if she can’t see it. Peace!

@ DC Darwin: if you can honestly say, that you have never once purchased something in a store simply because you saw and ad on TV and thought it was cool, then I may buy part of your argument. Then you can enjoy your pedestal above society. In truth, to say that society doesn’t influence is like saying the Holocaust never happened. Poor form.

Morning Comes Too Soon

blades of light shave sleep from my eyes
opening slowly while darkness dies
from behind closed lips my body cries
with sputters groans and muffled sighs

in the shade of daybreak reality lurks
as sinister as an Ottoman Turk
it grips my covers and with a jerk
drags my carcass back to work

sleep sticks stubbornly to my to my face

while war ensues for parking space

like mindless drones the coffee chase

invigorates the day's rat race

the cackling fluorescent light

deafens the eyes and murders sight

and hidden switches steal my right

to fight the flickering fiendish bright

a prisoner till work is done

time won't fly won't walk won't run

the clock tick mimics a cocking gun

that shreds the doors and slays the sun

now creeping crawling slinking home

the day a booming palindrome

but my sealy vixen lies alone

and summons me in sultry tone

the sack of darkness gobbles day

when up the walk i trudge my way

like marching through a bale of hay

to a devilish door that pulls away

the granite knob must yield to me

with strength revived my bones set free

to carry me in and there to see

the place where I have longed to be

the razor blades rest on horizons's shore

my carcass returns to peace once more

and like eagles overhead my covers soar

to engulf me and my vixen until morning's roar

groan and sputter