LIES

i hear no melodies
and the song is faded from my heart

my hopes lie in tatters
strewn about muddy footprints

they said in time the torrent would recede
and prove me stronger

they've since gone and the waters drained
along with the better parts of me

frail fragile thin pale
weakness wandering fatigued

in a dimly lit
endless tunnel

the failures of my youth
stalk me in the screaming darkness

i hear only the solitude

Unwant

like the aroma of fine cuisine
basted in rosemary
fragrant fine untouchable
you bled into me

like the smell that drenches
the nostrils of starving child
the pangs and aches of desire
wretch me to the ground as
i am made captive to the scent
and powerless against its force

the hint of satisfaction and peace
present yet beyond reach
all i want and need and i would
slice off my nose and tongue
to spite my senses and quell my desires
to then seen attainable peace

ready easy painless
true controlled and safe
yet harsh and false

i want to unwant you
to go back to when the mysteries
of your lips had not revealed
more wonder and mystery

i want to unwant you
like a gentleman's plaything
longs to be unpregnant

i want to go back to my
confusion and darkness
not knowing what I wanted
rather than be tortured to know it
and be bound away
unable to reach out and take it!

i can't breathe
i gasp but the air fills my lungs like tar
with feted fumes choking away my life

but when you're near
bliss
clear crisp breezes and autumn kissed skies
my chest heaves with power
my mind pushes my hands to please
to love

when you're near
the drumming of my heart echos
to the streets and corners and homes
and lives of everyone i meet
my feet like iron hammers
become firm and steady
like gazelles fleet and sure

and hope presses its claws through
the walls of my guarded soul and
softens stony flesh
sees your eyes and stirs and wakes
dreams within me
buried decomposing dreams that
i shouldn't want anymore

too fragile
so unsure
i want to unwant you
to not long for the sensation of your skin
and the sound of your breath cooing at sunrise
i want to unwant you
to not see your eyes in every green
tree or flowering plant the vendor pushes off
i want to unwant you
to be free of the thought of your touch and the
sound of your voice the warmth of your smile
the smell of your hair the air of your presence
the chime of your laughter that sets me at ease

i want to unwant you
because
i don't want to need you
i don't want to need you
i don't want to need you
you won't stay