No Where

no where to go
it has to come out
it fills me from the pit
of my stomach
it makes my bones shout

but it's dying
now within me
like a flame under a
mason jar
it longs to be free

it longs to fly
and give itself away
to escape the terrible
nonage and isolation
entrapping men today

it needs to run
and feel the breeze
that is far away from
the confines of ego
that makes it freeze

it desires to encourage
enlighten and engage
with all the love and
energy of souls whose
presence can assuage

alas for all its wants
it does none of these
so rare an occasion
that fans the flame
it leaves us in siege

to be given away to
drink the rain of love
of another is what
my love longs for
yet it falls not from above

so it looks around
but with none to know
settles into its ember
beneath the glass
for it has nowhere to go

Write Like No One's Reading...

I have fallen into some of the traps and gulfs that I once told myself I would never fall into. I have failed, pitied myself, hated others, stolen, lied, and compromised myself, my dreams, and sometimes my values.

I have fought with myself on many of these issues in desperate attempts to bet back on the horse and keep going. Sometimes I have succeeded. Other times...?

One thing that I am proud to say is one on which I have not faulted is gossip. I haven't ever become a gossip, or snitch. I can't even stand the tabloids, TMZ, and other similarly filthy unproductive pieces of "news information."

People who collect these snippets of information regarding people's private lives and hock them to the public ask only one thing in return for this mostly useless piece of trivia, your attention.

Seriously, how many of these "blogs" are out there right now which are people just straining to be noticed because of the information they have about someone other than themselves?

You might be asking yourself at this point, "isn't this a little hypocritical?" I might agree, if I had a readership. Although, if I did, I wouldn't write about the things of which I am griping. It might also be hypocritical if I wanted attention. I don't. I don't care if anyone reads this. I simply didn't have any other place to write tonight. So here it is. My private thoughts on my private page.

Weather people read it or not, it's for me. Just for me.

Write like no one's reading
Sing like no one's listening
Dance like no one's watching

I have read and heard this things a thousand times before. Now it just means be yourself, for yourself, and for no one else. If that's true then all this posturing, all this "Top Spaces" social media means what exactly?

Seriously...because if you ARE reading this, you still may not know me at all.

LIES

i hear no melodies
and the song is faded from my heart

my hopes lie in tatters
strewn about muddy footprints

they said in time the torrent would recede
and prove me stronger

they've since gone and the waters drained
along with the better parts of me

frail fragile thin pale
weakness wandering fatigued

in a dimly lit
endless tunnel

the failures of my youth
stalk me in the screaming darkness

i hear only the solitude

Unwant

like the aroma of fine cuisine
basted in rosemary
fragrant fine untouchable
you bled into me

like the smell that drenches
the nostrils of starving child
the pangs and aches of desire
wretch me to the ground as
i am made captive to the scent
and powerless against its force

the hint of satisfaction and peace
present yet beyond reach
all i want and need and i would
slice off my nose and tongue
to spite my senses and quell my desires
to then seen attainable peace

ready easy painless
true controlled and safe
yet harsh and false

i want to unwant you
to go back to when the mysteries
of your lips had not revealed
more wonder and mystery

i want to unwant you
like a gentleman's plaything
longs to be unpregnant

i want to go back to my
confusion and darkness
not knowing what I wanted
rather than be tortured to know it
and be bound away
unable to reach out and take it!

i can't breathe
i gasp but the air fills my lungs like tar
with feted fumes choking away my life

but when you're near
bliss
clear crisp breezes and autumn kissed skies
my chest heaves with power
my mind pushes my hands to please
to love

when you're near
the drumming of my heart echos
to the streets and corners and homes
and lives of everyone i meet
my feet like iron hammers
become firm and steady
like gazelles fleet and sure

and hope presses its claws through
the walls of my guarded soul and
softens stony flesh
sees your eyes and stirs and wakes
dreams within me
buried decomposing dreams that
i shouldn't want anymore

too fragile
so unsure
i want to unwant you
to not long for the sensation of your skin
and the sound of your breath cooing at sunrise
i want to unwant you
to not see your eyes in every green
tree or flowering plant the vendor pushes off
i want to unwant you
to be free of the thought of your touch and the
sound of your voice the warmth of your smile
the smell of your hair the air of your presence
the chime of your laughter that sets me at ease

i want to unwant you
because
i don't want to need you
i don't want to need you
i don't want to need you
you won't stay

Just a Thought

growing is not easy
no how
no way
it must be endured
each and every day

but with lessons learned
and wisdom attained
each life is the measure
of all that is gained

there is no standard
by which to abide
each soul has a path
by which it is guide

with courses as different
as one's fingerprints
each life, like a star
shines one unique glint

from newborn to nether
from birth to the grave
to growing and changing
each life is a slave

when lessons imbued
are fully relayed
the struggle will end
in steadfast display

but the wisdom passed on
before the final knell
was acquired and gathered
till the last ringing bell

each day is a moment
a trial, a show
to challenge one's self
to fatefully grow

Counterpoint

i see you

you have been hiding
protecting yourself from the
pains and heartache of
love and emotion

i see you

peering through the
sack cloth of broken promises
betrayal, unrealized dreams and
unmet expectations,
straining to find the
beauty of the world
the hope of faith

i see you

remembering, reliving the hurts
through the laughter and wine
late nights and darkened rooms
failing to forget that joy
reminds you of the pain

i see you

how do you shield your heart
from joy and pain at the same time?

i see you

how do you reveal your soul in one moment
and fence it in the next?

i see you

wearing lipstick
the perfect color
perfume
subtle and memorable
disarming but understated

i see you

excited laughing
your nose wrinkling under the strain
passionate hands finishing stories
which words cannot manage

i see you though my eyes were shut
i see you

brave
ambitious
powerful

from afar

i see you see me

too close for a friend
too far to savor your perfume

Love is a Battlefield

fire emanating
heat radiating
explosion
bursts
sparking exhausted
embers
reinvigorated
glowing
burning
scorching
consuming calloused
frozen flesh
birthing
molten
fragile
fluid coals flaking
growing
fledgling delicate
hope
breathing
writhing
rising flame
sprinkling blinding
encompassing heat
guarded tinder
exposed
combustion
unshielded crumbling walls
evaporating
steaming condensing
healing ointment
soothing
moving
melting skin
flowing limitless flesh
coursing
driving
cracking
corroding
dripping
eroding
limestone sentinels
lay dying at the
doorstep of a
tender heart