Unwant

like the aroma of fine cuisine
basted in rosemary
fragrant fine untouchable
you bled into me

like the smell that drenches
the nostrils of starving child
the pangs and aches of desire
wretch me to the ground as
i am made captive to the scent
and powerless against its force

the hint of satisfaction and peace
present yet beyond reach
all i want and need and i would
slice off my nose and tongue
to spite my senses and quell my desires
to then seen attainable peace

ready easy painless
true controlled and safe
yet harsh and false

i want to unwant you
to go back to when the mysteries
of your lips had not revealed
more wonder and mystery

i want to unwant you
like a gentleman's plaything
longs to be unpregnant

i want to go back to my
confusion and darkness
not knowing what I wanted
rather than be tortured to know it
and be bound away
unable to reach out and take it!

i can't breathe
i gasp but the air fills my lungs like tar
with feted fumes choking away my life

but when you're near
bliss
clear crisp breezes and autumn kissed skies
my chest heaves with power
my mind pushes my hands to please
to love

when you're near
the drumming of my heart echos
to the streets and corners and homes
and lives of everyone i meet
my feet like iron hammers
become firm and steady
like gazelles fleet and sure

and hope presses its claws through
the walls of my guarded soul and
softens stony flesh
sees your eyes and stirs and wakes
dreams within me
buried decomposing dreams that
i shouldn't want anymore

too fragile
so unsure
i want to unwant you
to not long for the sensation of your skin
and the sound of your breath cooing at sunrise
i want to unwant you
to not see your eyes in every green
tree or flowering plant the vendor pushes off
i want to unwant you
to be free of the thought of your touch and the
sound of your voice the warmth of your smile
the smell of your hair the air of your presence
the chime of your laughter that sets me at ease

i want to unwant you
because
i don't want to need you
i don't want to need you
i don't want to need you
you won't stay

Laws of Attraction, Theories of Relativity

*****I found some interesting insights on this page and the linked page. Thought I would share. My response is below. While I agree with almost everything, in theory, the comments shared give some cavalier approaches to the practice of relating that got me thinking. Maybe I am off base. Maybe not. What do you think?********

Gotta say that boardgames may not be the best analogy. Unless of course a line has already been distinctly drawn, as you mentioned. However, in what other way do we learn to share and grow if not by occasionally doing those things that please those we love – even at a bit of our own expense.

I confess I derive a great deal of satisfaction in seeing my partner pleased by my participation in something that costs me so little.

No I don’t mean that one should regularly sacrifice one’s dignity on the altar of a dating relationship at the expense of one’s own contentment. But what I question is this: in what is one actually finding one’s happiness? Is it Control? Image? Popularity? Comfort? Or are we willing to invest in relationships with other people and ride out certain ups and downs like a blue-chip stocks they are?

There is also an important thing to remember, if the man (or woman) you are with does not value him or herself enough without heels/ perfume/ makeup/ money/ cars/ suits/ whatever, he or she is never going to value him or herself with or without said accouterments.

I think it may be also fair to say that if you are with someone whose insubstantial self-pride and self-image carry more value than you and/or the relationship, there is more than a need for distrust, there is a necessity of evacuation.

I would also encourage stepping to the stone of skepticism and caution before leaping to the stone distrust. Distrust is a very difficult weed to uproot, and almost inexorably poisons to death the roots of an already flowered relationship. It also inhibits two people from openly communicating with the assumption that the other has their best interests at heart. And when the flower dies and is uprooted, each person is left only with a root of distrust lying in wait to strangle the next seed to germinate in the heart.

As for me…if she’s tall and long, or short and plump…more power! If she doesn’t want to talk to me, oh well. I know who I am and what I am worth, even if she can’t see it. Peace!

@ DC Darwin: if you can honestly say, that you have never once purchased something in a store simply because you saw and ad on TV and thought it was cool, then I may buy part of your argument. Then you can enjoy your pedestal above society. In truth, to say that society doesn’t influence is like saying the Holocaust never happened. Poor form.