The Best Dad Ever

When I was a boy, I felt dispensable. I doubt I used that word at the time, however that was exactly the feeling. A permeating sense that I was unnecessary filled most of my days.

Now, I had a loving mother, or "smother" if you like the term - it was the 80s after all. And I had a stepfather who has been with me most of my life. Last year, as a gift to him and my grandfather, I legally assimilated his last name as my own. For me this was an honor both to have and give, and in some ways it serves to counteract that feeling of meaninglessness I had as a child.

You may ask, "If your stepfather was there and you are so close, how did you manage to feel this way?" The short answer is - my actual father.

What follows is not a rhetoric of blame, but a realization of a man working with deliberate intent to protect his lovely and innocent child from the hurt which he secretly endured as the lovely and innocent child of a blended family.

Today, after three amazing days with my precious daughter, I had to deliver her back to her mother and the daily routine of her custodial living. However, before her mother and I performed our artful dance of custody exchange at our agreed upon drop off point, my daughter looked into my eyes and asked me why I wasn't going to take her all the way to the end of the line.

She's endured a lot and she always has questions. What child wouldn't? As I gently explained, she began to well up, put her arms up like a toddler seeking comfort, and simply leaned forward knowing that I would catch her and hold her close while she cried on my shoulder. She is nearly eight.

The whole morning leading up to her departure had been filled with comments like, "Dad? Why are you so awesome?" or "Daddy? How come you're the Best Dad Ever?" I never know how to answer these questions, but they make me smile and sometimes laugh or revert to one of our inside jokes about karate. Another reason that I don't know how to answer is because I don't feel like the best Dad ever. I don't feel like an awesome Dad.

I could never say that to her, but deep inside I don't. In my heart, the Best Dad Ever is there every day protecting her from the Boogie Man, tucking her in at night, helping her with her homework, picking her up from school, taking her to work, correcting her spelling, brushing her hair, healing boo-boos and owies with magical kisses and Neosporin, defending her when she's scared, letting her fall down so she becomes unafraid, building up her confidence, making sure she knows how she is seen and how she deserves to be seen, and making sure that no matter what happens - whether she is being disciplined or scolded, whether she's happy or sad or he is - she knows that she is loved unconditionally and beyond measure. But I only get to do this 10 weeks a year. How could I possibly be the best? How could she possibly know?

So, there I am, with this beautiful little girl who has this amazing heart and she's weeping on my shoulder. She doesn't want to leave me, but she wants to go home to her little brother and her mother and stepfather and all the familiar things. What should the Best-Dad-Ever say to this little disquieted heart?

I caught her in the middle of that forward lean, raised her out of the window seat of our northbound train and hugged her heart to heart - all the while holding back my own tears. "I love you, Christina, with my whole heart" I whisper in her ear as she sobs. "Daddy, loves you."

We stayed like this for some few minutes until the engineer announced my impending stop. Then I returned her to her seat, made a gross booger joke, as only Dads can do, and I watched her try to hide her laughter. Waving to her mother standing frigid on the platform, I encouraged her and touched her soft trembling cheek with the entirety of my palm. Her eyes where still red and watery as the train stopped. I stood to leave. Her mother entered the train and I kissed her cheek, so that my daughter could see it, and pointed the way to my empty seat.

The day I became a father, I lost the feeling of being dispensable. I had purpose. The day my ex-wife left for the last time, dispensable reared its ugly head again. But surprisingly, I still had a purpose. I had someone to love and care for, and I have tried to do my very best to make sure that, no matter what, my child knows that she matters, she has a purpose, she is loved and that I approve of and accept her for who she is.

Maybe I only get to show her this 70 days per year, but what makes me write this is the joy I have in knowing that she knows these things. It has worked! I did something right! And she has a peace and a confidence about her in her childhood that I never did. It's a confidence that can only come from the love and acceptance of one's own natural parents. She may miss me when we part, but the value of our relationship endures the absence.

Now, don't get me wrong...I love my stepfather with all my heart. In fact, I only refer to him in this piece as "stepfather" so as to avoid confusion. Neither, however, do I hate my father. Unfortunately, I still don't really know him. I have tried to open that door, and there is a often a sense of anger, confusion, hurt and loss that resonates from within me because of it. My solace comes in knowing that my child will never feel this way because, in my heart, I simply will not allow it. I will make every moment, every conversation, every interaction one of significance and value.

And even though it's hard some days, when then house is empty and quiet, when her toys on the shelf begin collecting dust, when my skin starts to forget the warmth of her hugs and my nose cannot remember her smell - I pick up my head,  stand up tall and I head out into the world doing what I can to prepare for those few precious moments to come. Because an amazing little girl has come to think that somehow this frightened, flawed, confused and lonely man is the Best Dad Ever! And I will never let her down. 

I think it's the least a father can do.

All of Me

there there, my love

lay your burden down

i see your wounds

i watch you shield me

from the hurt they cause

shield me no more but 

let me feel, my love

let me in to the dark

i can be an ointment

upon the tattered flesh

of your soul

there is home for you

here here, my love

you walked away but

i went with you

i held you up when 

your bones broke and

your muscles gave way

i pulled you along 

when your feet left

from under you 

i raised your chin

above each new

wave of adversity and 

heartache the world 

saw fit to train you with

i know you are hurting

i feel it too

every compliment 

burns like bourbon

in a bullet hole

for the mouths of those

give them know not the

failures they deride

you haven't failed, my love

not yet

for all your effort and pain

and loss and sleepless nights

my love, you've never really tried

take me with you, my love

do not deny me, my love

use me and lean on my

strength my talent my skill

my passion

is yours

for the taking

i am yours, my love

let me into your darkness

let me light the way

there is so much more

than what you have been

raging against

sleep sleep, my love

let the shade of night

cover your eyes and 

close them to the 

memories you carry

let the cool sheet of 

twilight melt into you

holding your head 

heavy to my lap

dream dream, my love

dream 

and when you wake

hold that dream in one hand

and take mine in the other

at daybreak we'll follow

where it leads

and there we will build

our peace

Found Wanting

That buzzing feeling when that woman walks into the room and all you can think is, "My God...That's what perfection looks like."

That sizzling feeling when she closes her eyes and kisses you as if your very soul were on the surface of your lips. All you can think is, "This is what perfection feels like."

That scorching feeling when she wraps her tender lady fingers around the peak of your neck and the aroma of her skin invades your senses. All you can think is,"This is what perfection smells like."

That hollow feeling when she walks out of the room, out of your life, leaving all her essence behind to indelibly etch her into your memory while the phantom fingers of her hand scar your neck. All you can think is, "This is how long perfection lasts."

http://youtu.be/6GX8UalMq8k

Siren Song

There's only one thing in
this world that can

build you up
tear you down
make you smile
make you frown
give you power
make you weak
make you calloused
turn your cheek
show you light
make life dark
douse your flame
light your spark
kill your dreams
give you hope
move your ass
make you mope
touch your soul
break your heart
end your life
make it start
clear the air
cloud your mind
be in reach
be hard to find
keep you far
hold you close
bring you joy
make you morose

only one thing
that I know
can pull and prod
can ebb and flow
can sweeten dreams
can haunt the dark
can douse your flame
can light your spark
can eat your spirit
can break your nerve
can soothe your body
can quell your verve
can dull your eyes
can gray your hair
is filled with justice
is never fair

is the poison my lips crave

Buried Treasure

if i could wish peace upon you
i'd wish it like a wave
a downy blanket
warm thick and heavy
and delightfully overwhelming

i'd wish it upon you
like sleep upon a child
after a day at the beach
like quiet on the earth on
a moonless night

if i could wish peace upon you
i would
but i can't
peace is already within you
you must reach down inside yourself

reach down through all the
pain and rejection and fear
and broken promises and
unrealized dreams and
ancient loves

dig through the tepid muck
of hatred and heartache
confusion and consternation
the sludge of self-gratification
and entitlement

break apart the frozen crust of
lost innocence and disappointment
and there in the small, quiet
darkness is peace lying still
like a field mouse waiting for spring

if i could wish peace up on you
i would
but peace is already with you
you've learned to bury it
during the long winter of your discontent

i wish you could see that

The Rain

i've read of occurrences
connecting one to all
with time and space and history
encompassed are we all

if only we could see
from beneath the looking glass
everything seen heard and done
effects our future from the past

two day ago I saw it
a butterfly flapped its wings
and the frog that missed its supper
its sad song began to sing

frightening a nearby squirrel
the chaos had begun
changing the course of wind
and weather from rain to sun

a little girl affected by toxins
injected by stings of bees
was playing in her yard quite freely
running and climbing trees

now had that bug not fluttered
and started this chaotic chain
that young girl's heart would still beat now
having been saved by rain

No Where

no where to go
it has to come out
it fills me from the pit
of my stomach
it makes my bones shout

but it's dying
now within me
like a flame under a
mason jar
it longs to be free

it longs to fly
and give itself away
to escape the terrible
nonage and isolation
entrapping men today

it needs to run
and feel the breeze
that is far away from
the confines of ego
that makes it freeze

it desires to encourage
enlighten and engage
with all the love and
energy of souls whose
presence can assuage

alas for all its wants
it does none of these
so rare an occasion
that fans the flame
it leaves us in siege

to be given away to
drink the rain of love
of another is what
my love longs for
yet it falls not from above

so it looks around
but with none to know
settles into its ember
beneath the glass
for it has nowhere to go

Write Like No One's Reading...

I have fallen into some of the traps and gulfs that I once told myself I would never fall into. I have failed, pitied myself, hated others, stolen, lied, and compromised myself, my dreams, and sometimes my values.

I have fought with myself on many of these issues in desperate attempts to bet back on the horse and keep going. Sometimes I have succeeded. Other times...?

One thing that I am proud to say is one on which I have not faulted is gossip. I haven't ever become a gossip, or snitch. I can't even stand the tabloids, TMZ, and other similarly filthy unproductive pieces of "news information."

People who collect these snippets of information regarding people's private lives and hock them to the public ask only one thing in return for this mostly useless piece of trivia, your attention.

Seriously, how many of these "blogs" are out there right now which are people just straining to be noticed because of the information they have about someone other than themselves?

You might be asking yourself at this point, "isn't this a little hypocritical?" I might agree, if I had a readership. Although, if I did, I wouldn't write about the things of which I am griping. It might also be hypocritical if I wanted attention. I don't. I don't care if anyone reads this. I simply didn't have any other place to write tonight. So here it is. My private thoughts on my private page.

Weather people read it or not, it's for me. Just for me.

Write like no one's reading
Sing like no one's listening
Dance like no one's watching

I have read and heard this things a thousand times before. Now it just means be yourself, for yourself, and for no one else. If that's true then all this posturing, all this "Top Spaces" social media means what exactly?

Seriously...because if you ARE reading this, you still may not know me at all.

LIES

i hear no melodies
and the song is faded from my heart

my hopes lie in tatters
strewn about muddy footprints

they said in time the torrent would recede
and prove me stronger

they've since gone and the waters drained
along with the better parts of me

frail fragile thin pale
weakness wandering fatigued

in a dimly lit
endless tunnel

the failures of my youth
stalk me in the screaming darkness

i hear only the solitude

Unwant

like the aroma of fine cuisine
basted in rosemary
fragrant fine untouchable
you bled into me

like the smell that drenches
the nostrils of starving child
the pangs and aches of desire
wretch me to the ground as
i am made captive to the scent
and powerless against its force

the hint of satisfaction and peace
present yet beyond reach
all i want and need and i would
slice off my nose and tongue
to spite my senses and quell my desires
to then seen attainable peace

ready easy painless
true controlled and safe
yet harsh and false

i want to unwant you
to go back to when the mysteries
of your lips had not revealed
more wonder and mystery

i want to unwant you
like a gentleman's plaything
longs to be unpregnant

i want to go back to my
confusion and darkness
not knowing what I wanted
rather than be tortured to know it
and be bound away
unable to reach out and take it!

i can't breathe
i gasp but the air fills my lungs like tar
with feted fumes choking away my life

but when you're near
bliss
clear crisp breezes and autumn kissed skies
my chest heaves with power
my mind pushes my hands to please
to love

when you're near
the drumming of my heart echos
to the streets and corners and homes
and lives of everyone i meet
my feet like iron hammers
become firm and steady
like gazelles fleet and sure

and hope presses its claws through
the walls of my guarded soul and
softens stony flesh
sees your eyes and stirs and wakes
dreams within me
buried decomposing dreams that
i shouldn't want anymore

too fragile
so unsure
i want to unwant you
to not long for the sensation of your skin
and the sound of your breath cooing at sunrise
i want to unwant you
to not see your eyes in every green
tree or flowering plant the vendor pushes off
i want to unwant you
to be free of the thought of your touch and the
sound of your voice the warmth of your smile
the smell of your hair the air of your presence
the chime of your laughter that sets me at ease

i want to unwant you
because
i don't want to need you
i don't want to need you
i don't want to need you
you won't stay

Just a Thought

growing is not easy
no how
no way
it must be endured
each and every day

but with lessons learned
and wisdom attained
each life is the measure
of all that is gained

there is no standard
by which to abide
each soul has a path
by which it is guide

with courses as different
as one's fingerprints
each life, like a star
shines one unique glint

from newborn to nether
from birth to the grave
to growing and changing
each life is a slave

when lessons imbued
are fully relayed
the struggle will end
in steadfast display

but the wisdom passed on
before the final knell
was acquired and gathered
till the last ringing bell

each day is a moment
a trial, a show
to challenge one's self
to fatefully grow

Counterpoint

i see you

you have been hiding
protecting yourself from the
pains and heartache of
love and emotion

i see you

peering through the
sack cloth of broken promises
betrayal, unrealized dreams and
unmet expectations,
straining to find the
beauty of the world
the hope of faith

i see you

remembering, reliving the hurts
through the laughter and wine
late nights and darkened rooms
failing to forget that joy
reminds you of the pain

i see you

how do you shield your heart
from joy and pain at the same time?

i see you

how do you reveal your soul in one moment
and fence it in the next?

i see you

wearing lipstick
the perfect color
perfume
subtle and memorable
disarming but understated

i see you

excited laughing
your nose wrinkling under the strain
passionate hands finishing stories
which words cannot manage

i see you though my eyes were shut
i see you

brave
ambitious
powerful

from afar

i see you see me

too close for a friend
too far to savor your perfume

Love is a Battlefield

fire emanating
heat radiating
explosion
bursts
sparking exhausted
embers
reinvigorated
glowing
burning
scorching
consuming calloused
frozen flesh
birthing
molten
fragile
fluid coals flaking
growing
fledgling delicate
hope
breathing
writhing
rising flame
sprinkling blinding
encompassing heat
guarded tinder
exposed
combustion
unshielded crumbling walls
evaporating
steaming condensing
healing ointment
soothing
moving
melting skin
flowing limitless flesh
coursing
driving
cracking
corroding
dripping
eroding
limestone sentinels
lay dying at the
doorstep of a
tender heart 

Paint The Town (Red)

red - the color of passion
l'amour
bee-stung lips, flushed cheeks
eruptions - flaming embers from the deep

the color of the west side one biting october night

two souls danced
paintbrushes in hand
dripping crimson joy into
cracked streets, steel curbs
melting from the liquid heat

gilded faces spattered, ruby encrusted
beam with delight, pleasure, desire
hot breath warms the frigid night as
one laugh births another and another
ceaselessly

quiet flames fanned by bittersweet tones
make mouths silent
eyes dance
hearts scream out muffled behind eager glances suffocated by cautious reserve
eyes with arms would  have embraced one another
the moment, the night, the cold heat

dark embers keep time as icy, sobering sunlight spreads
truth sweeps away the cover of night and the dream

your eyes met mine, familiar
your hand in mine, home
your step with mine, rhythm
a heart beat
my heart - lost

magenta trails trace from bloodshot eyes
left open exposing souls, unleashing hearts

footsteps of dripping, spilled, spattered
crimson paint move from my chest to your hand
your brush - it beats, it breathes, it moves, sighs
contented in your hand.
my heart - found, your happy brush

exhilarated, exhausted - from painting the west side
all night
flushed cheeks, l'amour, passion.
a painted town - a dream
red - the color of passion
red means stop

A Good Day, A Good Reminder

Today I spent 8 hours with my 9-year-old cousin, Malik. We disassembled, sanded, primed, painted, de-rusted, oiled and almost reassembled a bike for his sister's birthday present. I learned that he has a great imagination, a short attention span, a strong desire to be helpful but a fear of failing in the attempt.

He hates the Gummy Bear song, and he often gets a stomach ache because he talks so much at meal time that he scarfs his food without chewing in order to avoid being left alone at the table. He's not a fan of carrot cake, and has some of the shiniest, straightest, prettiest hair you've ever seen. He gets a huge kick from using tools, and has no idea that a razor blade is actually dangerous. He also likes to be organized with other people's things, i.e. tools and toys etc. (His own things? Not so much.)

He's super excited about me being at his house because there is a guy around that is like him, looks like him, thinks a little more like him, and can do fun guys things. This morning before setting out to the deck to work on the bike, he tells his mother, "We going [out] to be men!" Lots of things in life don't go as you plan. Sometimes frustrations set in when you're kicking at the goads trying to have your way. Then, in the meantime, if you stop kicking long enough, you realize you've stopped exactly where you were meant to. If only for a little while.

Today's Casablanca - November 6, 2006

I wrote this review 5 years ago, but I still feel this way. I enjoyed writing this review and welcome discussion.

______________________________________________________________________

 

Today I saw the great "Casablanca" for the first time. Originally written as a play called "Everybody Comes to Rick's," the film, while dated in appearance, is poignant in both theme and morality.

I thought as I watched this film, "How many people have been stranded by the latest battles around the world? How many lives and loves have been shattered and separated? How many of us have done the right thing in response?"

There is no simple answer to any of these questions as they relate to our current international situation. To compare, we previously had a clear enemy and a clear objective. Now, we are uncertain of exactly who we are fighting, and what outcome we hope to achieve. However, I do not find this situation is to be blamed exclusively on decision-makers. We have a great responsibility ourselves.

We as consumers have demanded such amazing technologies, some of which begin through military experimentation as terrible weapons. The more terrifying and impersonal these weapons have become, the more fearful we are of the slightest knock or noise. We walk on eggshells as an internal defense, attempting not to offend people of differing opinions or circumstances simply because we fear an unexpected retribution - legal or violent, we expect the worst because everyone is now prepared to provide it for the protection of his own pride and way of life.

We prepare amazing defenses designed to strike out at the first sign of impending attack. Atom bombs, H-bombs, and worse - terrible attitudes towards our fellow man, law suits and letters of complaint. While its true that we can never predict when a crazy, self-proclaimed messenger of God will appear and try to kill everyone, does it benefit any of us to be constantly on guard with our emotions and generosity? Is there some protection of the law that says we have a right not to be offended, and if we are, the government should step in and fight for us?

Some say we are fighting the war because the U.S. wants oil, and they stick it to us at the gas pump. Then we say we are trapped because we have no choices, and I think that is far from the truth. We have a choice, we are simply unwilling to pay the price necessary for that change. What kind of SUV do you drive? If you boycotted your gasoline engine until the government legitimately subsidized a real alternative fuel program, do you think we could be ignored? "But the oil companies have the politicians in their pockets." Because you keep giving them the resources to lure our decision-makers. 

Don't shout from the window of your Hummer that the president doesn't care about the soldiers or the American ecosystem. It's conjecture unless you know his mind. Besides, he would obviously be protecting your interests. So many, even in Hollywood, on their high horses talk about the terrible G. W. Bush and his poor action in this war. Many of those people were shouting for action after 9/11. Can we really have it both ways?

I think Casablanca shows us a reality of decision making that we take for granted. Rick's represented America, and how safe we feel here. Protected by our power and connections. 9/11 was like the Nazi's coming in and changing the dynamic of our everyday operations. Rick represented each of us, knowing what is right in his heart, but hurt by the reality of he wanted and the understanding that he is losing it forever. We have lost two things, just like Rick. One, we have lost the safe haven that the"United States" once provided through its relative insulation. Two, like Rick when Ilsa revealed that she was, in fact, married when they fell in love, and married still; we are now disillusioned to what freedom is and the true price of being in her company.

I think this is what makes this latest series of conflicts so dangerous to our society and to our soldiers. We were scrambling to understand a very strange world. As we drank heavily and wore our pants backwards, the world changed in such a way that it was no longer afraid or incapable of reaching us. We are not insulated any more, and we are not immune. And like Rick, we will each of us come to a point where we must make a decision.

War is an inevitable part of human existence, mainly because there are enough people who are, "nasty, brutish, and short-[ fill in the blank]." Let the old notion of Lady Liberty go. She doesn't exist as she once did. Where we have demanded so much in her name, we've left a wrinkle, scar, or crow's foot for every thing we have taken from her. Choose a side; stand and fight; and agree upon no action when there is neither a victor nor consensus. But let the battles relate only to the situation and to the opinions that set us juxtaposed, because a person in America who has researched and considered enough to have a well formed opinion is one of the greatest assets remaining in our country, a citizen with a vote. And it is in that way that we are now equal. No princes or paupers, no generals or civilians, no black or white, male or female but rather a people with decisions made and a voice to speak, and a ballot to cast.

It is with trust in your hearts that the Almighty God has a plan at you can safely cast your ballot. That while the country continues to love Him first and trust in Him, that we will continue to make our paths straight. Some of you don't believe that He plays this role, and you are entitled to think that way. You are equally entitled to ignore everything I have said and supplant it with your own reality. But you cannot take it away from me, change it, or prevent me from teaching or sharing it. And that is what is supposed to make this country great. That is worth fighting for. That is what happens at the end of Casablanca when Rick must defend his choice and right to give his exit visas to Victor [the truth] and Ilsa [the freedom].

Perhaps once we eliminate our barriers and defenses of comfort and self-assuring preconceptions, we too, will be able to see, as one, the RIGHT and not just the GOOD course of action.

Lord, Save Us From Your Followers!

So, many of you may have already seen this documentary. I am sure that you have your opinions and some of you may have already written it off. Well, I just saw it for the first time tonight, and was elated to hear and see some of the issues that I discuss being brought to the forefront - questions about HOW we treat one another, not simply what we stand for.

We are free to disagree. And we are free to be unproductive, angry, bitter, condescending, hate-filled individuals. But if we call ourselves Christians, we're actually not. If we are a Christ follower, we willingly return that gift of free will back to the One who gave it to us, and we commit that gift to His greatest purpose. And I think this film really helped shed light on what so many Christians are trying to do in this country.

Committing our gift of free will to back to God means that we will go where he wants us to go and love who he wants us to love when he tells us to. And whom do we love? Well, sometimes we like to refer to them as the "lost." Jesus called them "the least of my brethren." So if you are a Christian, who qualifies as the "least"? The homeless? The poor? The infirmed? The dying? That's what we like to think, but I have always felt there is more to it than that.

Scripture has told me that the only "religion" that is pure and faultless and acceptable in the eyes of the Lord is to care for the widowed and orphaned in their distress and to keep one's self pure. So, are the least of them widows and orphans? No. We are ALL the least of his brothers. Straight, gay, male, female, rich, poor, homeless, addicted, pregnant, sterile, black, white, or mixed/other.

Honestly, how old does a person have to be before we stop considering them an orphan? How much time has to pass before a man or woman is no longer considered widowed? And how many of us can fall into that category - especially if, as Christians, we look at these people in the light of their orphaned state with respect to a relationship with "Father" God? Orphaned does not mean that the parents are dead, just that the children have no relationship with them for one reason or another. Isn't that the same with some of the people Christians consider "lost"?

There can be no accident that the two great commandments are to love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, all thy mind and all thy spirit/soul, and the second is to love thy neighbor as thyself, and the only pure religion is to care for widowed and orphaned in their distress and stay pure. They are commanding the same thing! In another way, if you are commanded to Love God with ALL your heart, and loving God is to be obedient to His commands, and His command is love thy neighbor as thyself, and ALL is 100%, how can we have any capacity left to love our neighbors?

It's BECAUSE loving our neighbors IS obedient to God and therefore IS loving him. You cannot love God without loving your neighbors. You cannot be obedient to God without loving your neighbors. You can't love your neighbors without caring for the widowed and orphaned in their distress, and that includes everyone! This doesn't mean that as Christians we are called to accept, love and endorse every lifestyle or action. But it does mean that we are called to respect our neighbors freedom to make those choices, to love them in spite of those choices because God loves them and us equally.

I know right now, some of you are arguing in your heads that the Great Commission calls Christians to go forth and spread the Gospel. No arguments here. My questions are not the "what to do?" it's the "how we're doing it?"

I recently attended a volunteer appreciation night at The Rock Church in San Diego. Over 4000 volunteers were in attendance. These people had logged over 253,000 hours of community service in the last year! And they did it much in the same way that the end of Lord, Save Us demonstrates. They are there to be the body of Christ. To be his hand that holds, his arms that hug, his ear that listens, his tenderness that cares. But there's no proselytizing no condemnation. Because salvation comes by faith. Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen, meaning its a work of the heart and no man can change the heart of another.

This is why Christians, I encourage you all, not to be afraid of gay people and the "homosexual agenda" - don't be afraid of the "perfidious Jews" or "radical Muslims" - don't fear the homeless drug addict - don't be afraid of the wandering prostitute. Why? Because before they were all these things, they were born human beings. Many of them Christened in the same churches you attend now. And you can't reason, rationalize or determine where their lives went wrong and what they did to cause their misfortune, or what God's purpose is in their lives. All you can do is stand in the gap and offer a hug when someone calls them a name, live as a neighbor respecting them as people with a different opinion, volunteer in the trenches and wash the hair and feet and change the clothes of those in need, shut your mouths and open your ears and the hearts to hear the troubles and scars of a damaged spirit.

Because I believe firmly folks, that truly living like Christ, is not the preaching and shouting and swaying to contemporary Christian music - it's picking up a cross that is weighing someone else down to the ground and carrying it with them or for them for as long as God allows, while the world hurls its sins and insults upon your forgiven spirit and flesh. And sometimes while the very people you are helping do the same.

We were made in his image, to follow a path that pays the cost for those we have been called to love. Everyone. Perhaps by loving like this, people will see us as my close friend, and now Christ following Jew, put it - "living out what [we] say [we] believe." That changes hearts, and changed hearts change lives.

Examiner Readers and Huffington Post Readers CAN Agree!

Jason McCool posted the following link: Click Here!

I read the whole article and was surprised and pleased to hear someone speak the same why that I do to people on both sides of the isle. Please review it and place your comments if you like. My comment (omegahil) is below along with a rebuttal to an individual who is most likely on my side of the isle. :)

FIRST LEVEL COMMENT omegahill | 30 minutes ago
The faith of a politician should be lived out in dignity and humility. I am disappointed by slings, arrows, and insults being hurled by people who profess the faith ON BOTH SIDES OF THE ISLE! The application of a Congressman's faith should be in quite reflection and prayer before casting a vote, before opening his mouth, before signing a document, and certainly before calling someone out of hand with no basis of scripture to support his claim.

I appreciate the author's direct yet gentle challenge of correction to Santorum. There really ought to be a movement of Christians determined to live the life apart from trying to make others do the same. It's God himself who leads us by cool waters and makes us lie down by green pastures, not the church or the politicians.

I consider myself a republican and a conservative, but I appreciate this critique, and I agree. Perhaps this is just another indication that the leaders of this country are NOT accurately representing the left and the right appropriately. I pray that more dialogue like this and more connections across the isle will change the behavior of our leaders.

In the meantime, please review this brief study about the "talking donkey." There IS a bit more to this story than most speculators are willing to seek out. Thanks for this commentary I hope to see more like this in HuffPost. http://mixedslashother.blogspot.com/2012/02/response-to-wacky-bible-stories-2.html


FIRST LEVEL COMMENT 2_amazed | 46 minutes ago
Now, I am NOT saying that President Obama is to blame for all the outrageous debt that we as a nation have incurred, ALL who have served in Washington—presidents and congressmen, both Democrats and Republicans—over the course of decades have created this mess.

However we, the people, are also to blame for not knowing enough about the Constitution to challenge the unconstitutional spending that has long gone on. We’ve allowed ourselves to be lulled into a false sense of security and have allowed someone else (the politicians) to play the ‘expert’ and this is the result. The Constitution was not designed to create a mega government that is all things to all people and supports cradle to grave care. I don’t know about you, but I can barely afford gas for my car, and I surely can’t afford to continue to support the government’s spending of my income. I give to charity on my own.

I don’t mind supporting a safety[net] for those that fall on hard times, but not generational support, and I do mind giving money for wasteful spending—of which there is much. We need to elect leaders today who will have the courage to refuse to incur even one more dollar in debt. We need to stop the spending. We are robbing our children and grandchildren of the blessing of liberty in order to fund the reckless spending of government today.

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omegahill | 0 minutes ago
I agree about many of the economic policies. But standard economic theory states that a government ought to restrict public sector spending and divert it to social and private enterprises in order to create sustainable income. Clinton did this. But a government cannot sustain this during wartime.

We ran into problems when during that government draw down, we privatized military operations. So when we had a need for military men and woman, we had neither capital nor human resources to mount a defense or commensurate retaliation. That's why we randomly dropped bombs. It's a combination of two administrations who ran to complete opposite sides of the boat. And the momentum capsized the country.

Right now, Obama IS trying to do the most sound economic thing; however, he cannot do it while we are still in conflict. That is why he is failing. He policies work best only at a time of peace. He's been trying to please too many people at one time. We could have saved trillions if we'd fired the private sector war-profiteering companies, and began redirecting those funds TOWARD our military.

They would have provided the training, facilities, personnel, weaponry, and resources at a much lower cost than Halliburton and any of those other private contractors. [The also would have been providing skills and longevity to enlisted men an women who'd have more incentive to continue serving.]

But this author's arguments are related only to the accusations that a "sinner" is levying against another "sinner." And I believe, if you try to read it again without bias or with the intention of placing blame, you'll likely agree.

A response to "Wacky Bible Stories 2"

A response to "Wacky Bible Stories 2" at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KF47aO4VLy0

You raise valid questions, unfortunately the answer was before you but you skipped past it.

There are sections of Numbers which, if taken out of context can be INCREDIBLY confusing. God actually did not change His mind, he was allowing Balaam to be exposed and putting Balak in his place.
When the bible says that Balak sent messengers, remember that it also said he sent them with a "divination fee." They wanted to hire Balaam to divine a curse against the people of Israel. Then, like a fool he goes to the God of Israel and asks his permission to to take this money and curse God's people. And God responds, "Do not go with them. You must not put a curse on those people because they are blessed."

So Balaam tells the messengers he cannot. But then they don't just return with distinguished princes, they returned with princes authorized to give more money. Balak wanted to sweeten the pot. Since this money changed Balaam's mind, he hoped it would change God's. Balaam was being greedy.

He WANTED to take that money. God doesn't violate our free will, but he WILL allow any path that we choose against him to be more difficult, and sometimes blocked.

He says, "since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, He gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done." Romans 1:28 and Genesis 6:5 "The LORD saw how great man's wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time."

So when Balaam asked a second time to curse the people of Israel for money, God tested him, and he failed. He gave him up to his desires and told him to go, and Balaam was happy to be "gettin paper."

The complication here is that now, Balaam has essentially walked away from and turned away from God for the purpose of bringing harm to his people. Ergo, send in the Angel of Lord to defend them. But Balaam eyes and ears had been closed to the truth because of his evil desires and choices.

So God made Balaam to hear the his donkey that could see the Angel to which Balaam had made himself blind. But God will try to reach people even if the animals or rocks have to do the speaking: "You have plotted the ruin of many peoples, shaming your own house and forfeiting your life. The stones of the wall will cry out, and the beams of the woodwork will echo it." Habakkuk 2:10-11; "“I tell you,” he replied, “if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.”" Luke 19:40. Psalm 148 tells of all the creatures and creations that are made to praise the Lord. Simply put however, the animals have no choice but to do as God commands.

Free will is a right extended only to people. So, if by his very nature, God would cause a sheep to get Moses' attention, or the stones and woodwork of a house to obey Him, if we wanted to get Balaam's attention, who'd been driven mad by money and inconveniences (2 Peter 2:16), then yes, he could and would make a donkey talk, or appear to Balaam as doing so.

Now, about the claim that God never sent him another message, that is false. In fact, God inherently delivers this very same message to Balak that Balaam should have given to the first group of messengers: "Don't put a curse on those people because they are blessed." (Num 22:12); "How can I curse whose whom God has not cursed?" (Num 23:8) But this message wasn't good enough for Balak. He was determined to appease God with sacrifices because he rejected God's word.

But God says "Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the LORD? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams. (1 Sam 15:22) But this was already told to us in the story of Cain and Abel: "In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the LORD. But Abel brought fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock. The LORD looked with favor on Abel and his offering," (Gen 4:4)

So Balak was trying to buy off the Lord God against His people. Instead of obeying Him, seeking Him or trusting Him, Balak tried to turn to divination and bribery and brought Balaam down with Him. They tried this bribery 5 times, and each time the Lord gave Balaam a message for Balak. "God is not a man that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind...I have received a command to bless, he has blessed, and I cannot change it."(Num 23:19-20) "May those who bless you be blessed, and those who curse you be cursed!" (Num 24:9b)

And so Balaam blessed the Israelite people three times. This made Balak furious and he ordered him to go home with none of the financial compensation he'd promised. Now Balaam responds by saying even if you gave me all your silver and gold, I can do nothing but what the Lord commands. And then Balaam delivers a prophecy of Yeshwah the Messiah (Num 24:17, cross reference Mt. 2:2) and a second message about the coming victory over Amelek.

So, as you can see, God put both Balak and Balaam through the fire. He gave Balaam multiple opportunities to be obedient and stand on His word. Then he gave Balak an opportunity to be obedient and understand that he could neither curse nor defeat those whom God called blessed and victorious. The donkey speaking was merely to get Balaam to wake up to the sin of covetousness and greed which he'd committed in his heart by desiring Balak's prizes over the Word of God.

Random Thoughts

I wonder...The name Jehova Rafa is one of the titles of God which in Hebrew means God the Healer, or God is my Healer. All derivatives of this name include Raphael, Raphaela, and Rafael, which is Hebrew for "God heals us" or "God has healed." I wonder then, is it for those of us bearing this name that we might be under the process of constant distress and healing so that the name might be proven true? With a name as old as mine, has the meaning and power survived the centuries? Is a rose still a rose if called by another name? Does a name made one's fate? If so, can fate be changed apart from the name? #randomthoughts #braincramps #weirdmorning